If previously it was extremely difficult for most men to make new acquaintances with the opposite sex, today, thanks to the era of the Internet and social networks, this process has become much easier and simpler. Despite this, many inexperienced guys ask experts how to communicate with a girl on VK, for example, since VKontakte has become one of the most popular social networks.
The easiest way, of course, is to take examples of correspondence, but no one can guarantee that the correspondence will take place at such a level. It is much easier to understand in advance the basic rules of virtual communication with the opposite sex. Leading psychologists and experts in interpersonal relations are ready to share what to talk about. Unfortunately, not all men have communication skills, even on the Internet.
What guys like to talk about
If a girl doesn’t know what to talk about with an unfamiliar guy on VK, she needs to familiarize herself with standard topics that will become appropriate. Men will be interested in cars, sports, computers and other topics. If you understand one of them, offer your interlocutor an interesting dialogue.
Standard, but proven topics for conversation with a nice guy on VK that you should focus on:
- Hobbies, interests. Here you can discuss sports, fishing, cars. If you don’t understand the topic, ask your interlocutor to talk about it in detail. Show interest, it will be appreciated.
- Modern technologies. Guys are interested in tablets, computers, laptops. If you see that your interlocutor is talking about these topics, support the conversation. Ask him to advise you on a specific issue.
- Art. Men are interested in art, it is diverse. You can discuss music, painting, literature. Any topics in this area will be appropriate, but you need to understand them.
- Food. Guys love delicious food, so you can discuss this topic. Talk about his favorite foods, ask about his culinary skills, discuss the cuisine of different countries. If you know how to cook, tell us about your abilities.
- Movie. New cinema products are relevant for discussion. When talking about your favorite movie genres, you can hint to your interlocutor about going to a show or watching a new film together if you live close to each other.
- Girls. Don't discuss specific girls, even if you have mutual friends. Talk about the qualities that he would like to see in his chosen one.
You can choose topics for conversation yourself or focus on your partner’s wishes, ask him what he would like to discuss, what he is interested in. Conversations should be pleasant for both parties.
What to write to an unknown girl on the wall in VKontakte?
You need to understand that a wall is not the best place to start dating. The first message should be sent to the girl in a personal message. This method will be the most effective. The wall is only suitable for unobtrusive acquaintance in the context of some post already posted on it. For example, a girl publishes some post on her wall. You can write your point of view and ask a question in the comments. Suppose a girl publishes a post with a list of the TOP 10 most popular books according to some magazine. You can write something like: “Great selection!” My favorite book from this list is “The Master and Margarita”; I have already read it 3 times and still admire it every time. What is your favorite book from this list? The second way is to leave a banter comment under her photo on the wall. But our goal is not to offend the girl, but simply to provoke her so that she writes us a response comment. N These are very long and inconvenient ways to meet VK girls, but they have the right to life. Other methods of dating using a wall are even more complicated and even more inconvenient, so I don’t recommend dating this way.
How to find a suitable topic for communication
Interesting topics for conversation should always be present during communication, because they are the ones that will lead to a real meeting. Let's give examples of what you can talk about with an unfamiliar guy on VK to make communication pleasant and memorable.
Activities and interests
When communicating with your interlocutor via social networks, you can choose many topics for conversation that will be entertaining for both partners. A guy’s activities and hobbies are what you need to pay attention to.
From your social network page you can determine what your interlocutor’s hobbies are and what he likes in life. Look at the photos, explore the places where he likes to spend time. Show him that you care about his views on life too.
If the hobbies don't match, just show him that you would like to know as much as possible about his hobbies. Let your interlocutor tell you about himself, offer to go horseback riding or kayaking together.
Be loyal, know how to carry on a conversation with a guy in order to arouse his interest and show that you can communicate with him.
Favorite music, books, movies, TV shows
Conversations about music or films always bring interlocutors closer together, which is why it is worth emphasizing them. If you don't know what topic to choose for a conversation with a guy, stop at music, TV shows, books, movies. Find a common theme.
You can prepare in advance a list of questions that you want to ask the young man. Try to build a dialogue; you don’t need to take the initiative by talking only about your hobbies. A man should see that you are also interested in him.
Music is a topic that will always be interesting. Each person has his own tastes, so the guy’s choice must be respected. If he listens to a certain genre of music that you don't understand or just don't like, that's his business. Do not impose your opinion, because the interlocutor will not like it. Only loyalty and adequate perception of his desires will help build a pleasant conversation.
If you like to read, you can talk about your favorite authors or ask your interlocutor what genre he likes. Reading books makes a girl erudite, and guys appreciate this. Be active in conversation, even if reading is not your hobby.
What to write to a girl on her VKontakte wall?
Have you noticed that over time the content of the VKontakte wall has changed noticeably. Previously, they talked there, drew pictures for each other and had dialogues. Now it has become like a microblog, where people mainly post information about life events and various content that other users like and comment on. Since you can leave posts on someone else's wall, many guys have the desire to write something on it to the girl he likes. But is it worth doing?
Universal topics for online communication with guys
When meeting a guy on VKontakte, girls sometimes don’t know what to talk about in order to interest him. Without any information about the interlocutor, you need to focus on standard topics that are available to any modern man:
- new music and cinema;
- books;
- recreation and travel;
- sport;
- kitchen;
- mutual acquaintances;
- views on certain things;
- family relationships.
The main thing is to structure the dialogue correctly so that the guy doesn’t find it boring. Rely on his temperament, because if a man is active, he will always demand variety, including in communication. Correspondence to maintain conversations should be informative, extensive, and varied. This is the only way to create a good impression of yourself in a man.
Should I write first?
Discussions on this topic have been going on for several years now. Some say that a man must show his conquering spirit, and there is no need to interfere with this. Others - there is nothing wrong with starting a conversation on a social network yourself, especially if the guy doesn’t know about your existence.
The correct answer to this question lies somewhere in the middle and depends on each specific situation: if a person is interesting and you really want to start communicating with him, it is better to write. After all, it is better to do something and then regret it than not to do it and regret the missed opportunity.
What questions to ask to diversify communication
Communication with a guy by correspondence should be based on dialogues, not monologues. Girls must understand how to communicate with a man in order to make him fall in love with her.
Let's figure out what to talk about with a guy on social networks, what questions to ask him in order to quickly build an entertaining dialogue:
- How do you feel about Korean cuisine? Don't you consider them overly exotic?
- What wine do you prefer: Georgian, French or Crimean?
- What was the last movie you watched? If you were invited to the cinema, what films would you be interested in seeing?
- I really like the taste and aroma of coffee with cinnamon, but what hot drink do you prefer?
- What interesting things have you planned for the coming weekend?
- Do you like sports?
- How important is a person’s inner world to you?
You can build a conversation with a man on all these topics and make him pay attention to you. The main thing is not to be overly intrusive, because many guys don’t like it when girls show increased interest in them. Know what topic to talk about so that your partner becomes interested and shows that he enjoys communicating with you. You can support any conversation with a guy, even if you are poorly versed in this area. Ask more, listen, draw certain conclusions about his hobbies.
We write the first message
Once a page has been studied and a message writing strategy has been chosen, tactical action is required. It’s hard to resist the usual “Hello.” How are you?”, but doing so is still not recommended. You need to start creatively, brightly and unusually. This way there is a much higher chance that they will write you a reply message. Here are some examples of successful phrases to start dating on VKontakte.
Universal approach:
Such phrases immediately show your intentions and stimulate feedback.
Unobtrusive flirting:
- "Hello! I'm going to discover new musical directions. Can you recommend some great music for a Friday night? »
- "Good evening! I'm going to watch a movie. Can you tell me something worth watching? »
- "Hello! It was a free day, I’m going to go to an exhibition (the theater, cinema, concert). Tell me what to pay attention to? »
As a rule, such proposals are written to people they know. In the case of strangers, the effect of surprise is triggered. At a minimum, such a message will be read. If you haven’t been lazy, but have carefully studied the man’s interests and in your message indirectly pointed out topics that are fascinating to him, there is a high probability of feedback.
Maximum honesty:
- "Hello! I found your page on VKontakte. You seemed to me a very interesting person. Let's try to communicate? »
- "Good afternoon! It seems that you are a very interesting conversationalist, and now I really miss communication. Let's try to make acquaintance? In the end, neither I nor you lose anything from this."
By starting communication this way, you will immediately indicate the purpose of your interest. And in return you will receive a message only to the point, eliminating all sorts of understatements and guesses.
Conversation on interests:
- "Hello! I saw a repost on your wall in which I needed to share my favorite painting by a Russian artist. I saw your “The Ninth Wave”. Aivazovsky is also close to me. Why this particular picture? After all, he has many others, no less strong.”
- "Hello! I see you posted a photo of tickets for the “25/17” concert. I also like the creativity of this group. Tell me, which item of theirs impressed you the most? »
- "Good afternoon! I see you understand the art of theater. Which recent productions can you recommend to attend? »
Which topics are best to avoid?
All girls should know how to properly talk to a guy on VK in order to make him want to continue the correspondence.
There are taboo topics that you need to know about so as not to find yourself in an awkward situation:
- troubles and problems;
- sexual experience;
- former relationships;
- health;
- family.
All this is considered inappropriate when meeting a man for the first time, so try to diversify your communication with positive topics that will arouse mutual interest. If you want to talk about past relationships, wait for the right moment; if desired, the man himself will ask about past experiences and show that he wants to know more about you.
Forbidden topics are negative in nature, so it is better to avoid them when communicating. A young man may think that you communicate with him only to talk about your problems and hear words of support. It will be impossible to continue to communicate normally with a guy based on such emotions; the correspondence will begin to cause unpleasant emotions.
How to understand that a girl likes you on VKontakte.
If you learn to determine whether a girl on VKontakte likes you, you can avoid many of the problems that novice seducers encounter. You can communicate with a girl on VKontakte more confidently. You won't seem like a slow girl to a girl. It often happens that she is already ready to meet, but the guy drags his feet and doubts whether it is too early to pick up the phone and make an appointment. You will not waste time on a girl who is absolutely not interested in you, for example, if you are not her type.
In order to be more likely to understand that a girl really likes you, you need to be observant and analyze the following signs.
How else can you keep the conversation going?
To prolong communication, girls should know what to talk about with a guy so as not to scare him off. There are useful tips from psychologists that you should follow when corresponding with a man:
- Humor in correspondence.
- Positive emotional background.
- No negativity.
- Free communication on various topics.
- Openness, sincerity.
On social media Communication on networks should also be based on sincere conversations. Psychologists recommend finding an approach to each interlocutor, because all men are individual. Focus on his preferences, wishes, interests. Create a favorable atmosphere during correspondence to please your interlocutor.
Common Mistakes
Through correspondence on VK, you can either make a guy like you or make a lot of mistakes that will only ruin the relationship. Let's look at the main mistakes that should be avoided when dating virtually:
- criticism of the interlocutor;
- condemnation;
- disputes;
- imposition of personal opinion;
- jealousy;
- reproaches.
This should be excluded from the very beginning of communication. The man will feel that the woman is overly demanding of him. This will lead to the fact that he will not only not want to make an actual meeting, but also to continue the virtual conversation. Intrusiveness is also a mistake: for many guys it serves as a repulsive factor.
Differences from normal communication
Below are a few points that explain the difference between communication on social networks and regular communication:
- expectation. If during a normal conversation you expect an instant answer to your question, then on social networks you can wait several hours, or even days. Trivial questions: “How are you?”, “Where are you now?”, “How did you pass the exam?” and others may wait a very long time for an answer.
Of course, both Odnoklassniki and Vkontakte provide the ability to communicate through chats, but still the waiting time can be very long. After all, one of the interlocutors may move away from the PC, there will be a power outage or the Internet will crash;
— uncertainty. When our question is not answered, we can spend hours wondering why this is happening. For example, you wrote to the girl you like that she is beautiful, but she remains silent. Maybe she was offended, or maybe she just walked away from the computer - you can’t know for sure. We have to guess;
- full of meaning. When we communicate through social networks, we are unable to convey the full meaning of the information being transmitted, since we do not have the opportunity to show our emotions through facial expressions, gestures, and intonation. Communication with ordinary words and emoticons significantly impoverishes our capabilities;
- empathy, compassion. In direct communication, we see whether the interlocutor is ready to talk to us or not. On social networks, we communicate with an imaginary phantom, imagining the interlocutor as it is beneficial to us at a given moment in time. Of course, you can use a video call, but not everyone resorts to this and not so often.
Considering all of the above, it is safe to say that you should not be persistent when communicating on social networks. If you are not answered right away, stop trying to contact your interlocutor again. It may well be that he is busy or simply does not want to communicate at the moment.
Try to clearly formulate your thoughts, write what you want to convey, using emoticons and exclamation marks. Don't be upset if you don't get an answer to your question right away. We are living people and we don’t always sit in front of the computer, waiting for the next message to arrive.
How to start a conversation with friends or strangers: 5 proven ways
Not everyone likes small talk about anything. In fact, such conversations perform a very useful function: they help defuse the situation, get out of an awkward situation or start communication in an unfamiliar company, as well as unobtrusively start a conversation and get to know the new interlocutor better.
To be honest, I used to think that the ability to unobtrusively start a conversation was an exclusively innate talent. With these people, after just a couple of minutes you feel as if you are talking with a good old friend. And I personally know such people - there are not so many of them in my environment.
Besides them, there are comrades who just as easily start conversations with strangers, but after a minute they become like representatives of a Canadian company trying to sell you another set of knives, dishes or a vacuum cleaner. There is a huge difference between the first and second. How to understand that you are too carried away, and how to start a conversation correctly? Here are five simple tips from Celes, author of the Personal Excellence blog.
Ask a question
The simplest and most standard way to start a new conversation, many people use it.
"What do you do?"
This is a great question to start a conversation in countries with a culture of work, such as Singapore or Hong Kong. People from there are accustomed to identifying themselves with their occupation. If you know that this person loves his job and devotes a lot of time to it, feel free to ask. You will receive a long enough and detailed answer so that the conversation does not end after a short phrase and subsequent awkward pause. The method is also well suited for conversation at various conferences, seminars and business events. Afterwards, you can ask a huge number of work questions: “how long has he been doing this business and working in this company?” “What prompted him to join this company?” and so on. Questions about clients, business trips, careers and funny incidents at work - the possibilities are endless.
"What brings you here?"
This question is especially useful for various events, be it a house party or a business meeting. Use the reply to continue the conversation. For example, a phrase like “I’m here to meet new people” means that this person is inclined to communicate and make new acquaintances. Perhaps you can share interesting events that are on your calendar.
"What did you do today?"
Sometimes the answer to this question is standard and uninteresting. And sometimes they can reveal fascinating details about the interlocutor.
“How was the event (event)?”
If you know where the person has been before, use that to inform the conversation. For example, one of your friends or colleagues recently returned from a trip or attended an interesting conference. Ask him about this event.
“What are you doing this week?”
Since the question is about the future, ask it towards the end of the conversation so that you can then politely say goodbye.
Don't forget that you may be asked counter questions, so be prepared to answer them.
Give a compliment
For example, the option that works best in women's clothing and all issues related to accessories, hairstyles and appearance. Starting a conversation in the style of “You look great! Have you had a good rest/got on a diet/started exercising?” and so on also works well with men.
Compliments regarding the work done will be pleasant to everyone, without exception. They work especially well with open and emotional people.
Use your surroundings as conversation starters
Having met at a conference, say that you liked the speech of a certain speaker, indicate which moments made a pleasant impression and ask your interlocutor what he thinks about it.
Use what is happening around you to talk, thus creating a comfortable atmosphere. Once the ice has melted, you can move on to more personal topics.
Ask for advice or ask for help
Often, one question or simple request for help can lead to a long, engaging and fruitful conversation.
Why does this work? Because people like to help. It gives them a sense of importance, a feeling that they have done something useful. And the delighted reactions to the answers allow them to feel like they are in the role of a senior mentor.
These may be questions on work topics. For example, you can say that you are currently working on a new project and would like to know the person's opinion since he is an expert in this field.
Even if you don't really need help, ask for it anyway. Advice given by another person can open up interesting perspectives that were previously unnoticed.
The most interesting thing is that a usually silent and modest person can break his standard behavior pattern and show a completely different side of himself. Some people just thrive when someone is interested in their hobbies.
Tell me something about yourself
What have you been up to in recent months? What new and interesting things did you learn? What goals do you want to achieve in the near future? Tell us about it.
This method is the opposite of method No. 1: you take the initiative yourself and tell some information about yourself that may be interesting.
It is better to use it if your counterpart is very shy and is unlikely to start a conversation first. Or if the person did not respond to your question or comment. Then you can start by talking about yourself first and thus showing sincerity. When a person sees your willingness to evaluate and discuss, they will be able to relax and open up in response.
How do you start a conversation with strangers?
How to communicate correctly on social networks
There are several general rules, following which, you can benefit from communication on Odnoklassniki and Vkontakte:
- do not use banal phrases. For example: “How are you?”, “What are you doing?”, “Hello.” Using phrases like these suggests that you will be waiting for a long time before you start a normal conversation, if you start at all. Of course, you need to say hello, but immediately after the greeting you need to ask a specific question or share interesting information. In this case, you can expect a response;
- if you want communication to take place in the form of dialogue, not only read messages, but also ask questions, express your opinion;
— if the interlocutor answers your questions briefly “no” or “yes,” ask him a complex question that must be answered with a sentence. If the same communication continues, without succinct explanations on his part, stop the dialogue, since the other party is not interested in it;
- Under no circumstances should you immerse your interlocutor in your problems. You don’t like it when you are loaded, so act the same way towards others;
- Do not offend your interlocutor with rude words. In general, try not to use bad words, do not speak in a negative way. This will quickly lead to a loss of interest in you as an interlocutor.
How then should you communicate with a girl on VKontakte so as not to become “just a friend”?
Firstly, you should not make the mistakes described above. Secondly, you need to behave confidently. And thirdly, don't be afraid to flirt. Another important point is how and with what your VKontakte page is filled. (See Secrets of designing a personal page for an attractive guy). Imagine a macho image. It’s hard to imagine that such a guy would be “just a friend” for many girls. Such guys behave confidently and are not afraid to hint to a girl about their sexual interest. Indeed, girls are tired of insecure, timid boys who are afraid to take the first step. Just think, why do womanizers have so many girls? They have so many girls because they act like womanizers. Well, of course, you shouldn’t act like a pervert or start talking about sex from the very first words. But as you communicate, hint to the girl that you are interested in her not only as a friend. This tactic will protect you from falling into the “friend zone” and will make you stand out from other fans.
Topics for conversation
When wondering what to say to a guy via correspondence on a social network, give preference to the topics suggested below.
- Talk about videos. This way you can find common ground, find out that you are interested in similar topics or even have common ones.
- Favorite place to hang out. You can ask where the guy most often goes. You can also find out about the place where he likes to retire.
- Music. Ask the young man which song he likes best. This way you will find out what kind of musical taste the gentleman has, how much his preferences differ from yours.
- Movies. Surely the guy follows the latest movies. Perhaps he is a fan of some series. If a young man is a serial fan, he will tell you a lot about his preference, and even suggest that you reconsider it.
- Talk about travel. On a social network, it’s convenient to illustrate your story with pictures from your trip.
- Ask about his favorite pets. Surely the guy prefers cats or dogs. Perhaps he has a four-legged friend at home. If this is so, then the topic of conversation will develop even more, because the guy will definitely have many stories related to his pet. After the young man’s stories, tell him about your love for pets, and tell your stories about a four-legged friend, if you have one.
- Interests and activities. If it turns out that you have a common hobby, it will be much easier to start communication. It is possible that the guy has similar interests to yours. Perhaps you have been dreaming of doing something for a long time, but still don’t dare, ask your guy for advice, let him recommend you what to do.
- Communities and groups. You can ask what groups the young man is a member of. This way you can identify his interests. And sometimes it’s better to just explore his page and see if you have common communities or at least similar directions.
- You can also talk about sports preferences on VK. You can ask what sport the young man is interested in; perhaps he is interested in football or badminton.
- Books. You can ask what genres the guy is interested in, what he prefers to read, what character appeals to him the most. However, it is worth considering that among modern youth, few people are interested in reading books.
Communication on VKontakte
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Question options
I bring to your attention examples of what you can ask a guy about when communicating on VK.
- I have long dreamed of mastering cycling. Can you? Is it difficult?
- Have you been to Europe?
- I love rock. What kind of music do you prefer?
- What attracts you most about basketball?
- Tell us about your most unusual birthday gift.
- How long have you been involved in sports running?
- Do you like horror films?
- Have you tried sushi?
- I drink tea with milk. Which one do you prefer?
- Which New Year is most etched in your memory? What exactly happened then?
Use your work
Whether it's sharing something funny that happened in the office or complaining about a particularly bad day at work, your professional life can provide plenty of conversation starters.
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- “Wow, nothing hurts more than spending money on a meal you don’t like.”
- “If you could close your eyes and teleport anywhere from your desktop, where would it be? I think a sandy beach in Fiji.”
- “I'm happy to say that I survived the meeting with my business partners. How was your working day?”
