12 Real Reasons Why He's Silent in Response to Your Messages

Did you write a message and were simply ignored?

You don’t know how to behave in this situation, you’re worried, you can’t find peace for yourself, and at the same time you’re afraid of messing things up with hasty actions?

You can leave your worries behind. In this post I will tell you what you should do if your message is not answered.

When your message is not answered, it causes a whole kaleidoscope of negative emotions - from resentment and sadness, to fear, jealousy and anxiety. And if you follow these emotions, you risk doing some bullshit. You will either start writing to this person, or you will draw some “conclusions” that will then spoil your relationships - both with this person and with other people.

And even if you don’t draw conclusions, you will at least suffer from your negative thoughts and emotions, which is also very bad.

This post will solve two problems at once.

Firstly, you will learn how to behave in this situation so as not to mess things up and ruin the relationship.

Secondly, you will learn how to cope with your negative emotions and stop fooling yourself with them once and for all.

I will make one important caveat. This post is about friendships and romantic relationships. If they don’t answer you, violating the business agreement signed with you, or if your teenage daughter who left home does not answer you, do not seek advice from an Internet babble, but contact a lawyer or the police.

Here are three things you can do if your message hasn't been answered:

Nothing!

Just let this situation go.

Now, in our age of information technology, you can be sure that if you wrote a message to someone, it would reach the person. Plus, considering that the average person spends two hours a day on their phone, you can be sure that even if they don't see your message right now, they will, and very soon.

And since he read it, then if he doesn’t answer you, it’s his decision. And you cannot influence this decision in any way.

Therefore, the best thing you can do in a situation where a person read your message, did not answer you, and at the same time has clearly been online for the last 24 hours, is to simply let go of this situation.

Of course, I don't know the details of your relationship with him. And naturally, maybe something happened to the person. But again, I judge by myself. In the last 15 years, when I messaged someone and they didn't respond, how many times did they not respond to me because something terrible happened?

ZERO!

So I sincerely doubt that your fear that something happened is justified. Most likely, you just really want to have control over your relationship, and when you feel that this control is being deprived of you - and this is what happens when they don’t answer you - you start to get nervous. You are probably also convinced that because you are fooling yourself, you are somehow in control of this situation. But, of course, you don’t control anything, and you understand this with your mind, although you can’t help it.

What if something did happen?

If you could really help, they would probably contact you and ask for help. And if they can’t contact you, then you can’t contact him, which means it’s pointless to write and call.

Let go of this situation!

How to understand that a message on WhatsApp has been read

On the left, the checkmarks are colored gray, and on the right, blue. Blue checkmarks indicate a message that has actually been read.

It turns out that in WhatsApp a double tick is not an indication that the message has been read. Now I am selling my apartment and communication with the buyer is mostly carried out via WhatsApp. Here we agree on dates, discuss the conditions that we will include in the contract, exchange documents and generally resolve all organizational issues. But if until yesterday my interlocutor answered quite briskly, then yesterday he disappeared somewhere. Or rather, he read the messages, but didn’t bother to answer them.

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At first I was a little offended. In the end, if you don’t want or aren’t ready to answer me, just don’t read. I will understand that you are busy and will calmly wait for you to be free, but since you have taken the time to go to WhatsApp and read my messages, write at least something. For example, that you will give an answer later. But there was no answer. Therefore, at some point, I found myself aimlessly scrolling through our dialogue, trying to pick out some hidden hints in the buyer’s messages that would indicate to me that he might refuse the deal. And I found it. True, not quite what I was looking for.

Write to someone else

We are talking, first of all, about friendly relations. If your friend doesn't answer you, write to another friend and ask to meet. Why bother yourself with the fact that they don’t answer you when you can write to someone else who will answer?

If you don’t have other friends to whom you would like to write now, then focus your emotions on making more connections, rather than investing completely in one person, so that later, when he is unavailable, you will be nervous and not know what to do.

By the way, if a friend still unsubscribes, and you have already agreed to meet with another person, do not cancel your plans. Since a person did not consider it necessary to respond to your message in a timely manner, why should you now adapt to him to the detriment of yourself, if the other person considered it necessary to respond immediately and expressed his readiness to see you?

Compose a letter

How to send a message “VKontakte”? First we need to form it. In fact, this process will not take you very much time. Of course, if you are not going to print kilometer posts.

First, you need to log in to the social network. After this there are two ways. The first is the choice of your future interlocutor. Look at his profile and then select "send message." In the window that appears, write a letter, attach files if necessary (the “attach” item at the bottom of the window), and then click on the “send” button. You can also use the Enter key.

Another way is to use existing dialogs. You will need to visit the “My Messages” section, then select a conversation, and then write the post you need. Next, proceed in the same way as the first method - click on “Enter” or the “Submit” button. That's it. As you can see, nothing difficult. Now you know what to do if VKontakte messages do not open, as well as how to write letters and read them on this social network.

Start working through it

As I already said, and as you yourself understand intellectually, your worries about the fact that the person did not answer you are absolutely useless and even harmful. Instead of just letting go of the situation and doing something, being in emotional balance, you ruin your nerves with your inner negativity.

What is included in this negativity? A whole list of things:

Resentment. If you are offended by this behavior, you perceive this behavior as devaluing you and the relationship with you. Although a person may have a dozen reasons why he did not answer you, none of which have anything to do with you personally.
Fear. In this situation, you can be afraid of anything - from the fact that something happened to the person, ending with the fact that he doesn’t want to communicate with you anymore
Jealousy. This is if you are in a romantic relationship with this person. If he didn’t answer within an hour in the evening, that means he’s definitely fucking someone!
Low self-esteem. You probably don’t value yourself very much if you react this way to a lack of attention from another person.
Your limiting beliefs about relationships. You're convinced that friends don't do that. You think messages shouldn't be ignored. You think that if messages are ignored, then you are being neglected and so on.
Your emotional traumas and unforgiven grievances of the past. Subconsciously, you perceive this person’s behavior as a rejection that you once experienced, perhaps more than once. His behavior presses on your sore spot of rejection, and you react.
The desire to know the reason . This is an interesting point. Do you think that knowing the reason will make you stop fooling yourself? You're wrong. You'll just start fooling her in a different way. For example, if before you found out the reason, you were afraid of something, then after you found out, you may feel angry and resentful.
Emotional dependence on this person. When someone doesn't respond to your messages, you perceive it as a disappearance, albeit temporary. And as soon as you start to think like that, negative emotions immediately turn on. Look at this from the outside - doesn’t this remind you, for example, of alcohol addiction - an alcoholic will also have a kaleidoscope of negative emotions and thoughts if he is deprived of booze.

You can name a few more points, but these are enough to understand that the problem is complex, and your feelings about the fact that the person did not answer are just symptoms.

He's online, but he's not responding to your message - and here's why

Seeing that someone ignores your message, even though they like posts on Instagram or are just surfing online, is confusing and puzzling. While this may be completely accidental, there are some reasons why he is silent on purpose:

1. He wants to take a break from texting.

When you have a lot on your plate, sometimes the last thing you want is to respond to constant notifications from your inbox. Even if he likes you, maybe he needs time to just scroll through his news feed and not worry about writing something to someone (even you). Different people have different attitudes towards online correspondence. Maybe he has his own limits in online communication.

2. He's trying to pique your interest.

Yes, sometimes it is a strategy, although the result may not be what he wants. Maybe he doesn’t answer on purpose so that you become fixated on him, become attached to him. This does not mean that his behavior is acceptable. If he doesn't answer for a long time, it's already rude.

3. He thinks about how to respond.

Have you ever been so in love with someone that you were just afraid of scaring them off or writing something that would make them stop communicating with you? Maybe he is also worried about how to answer you correctly so as not to screw up. Especially if you wrote him some serious message. He needs time to think.

4. He is busy with other things on the social network.

Just because he's online doesn't mean he's doing nonsense. Many people use Facebook or Instagram for work purposes so that he can communicate with a potential client for his company. Although he can communicate with family or friends. In any case, there is no need to panic, simply because he does not answer immediately.

5. Your last message feels like the end of a conversation.

If in your last message you wrote something like “Ok” or “Okay”, “I see,” then he could perceive that you did not want to continue the correspondence. And if you want to continue it, then ask questions, give extended answers, change the topic if the previous one is exhausted.

6. He missed your message.

This “My phone is glitchy/broken” excuse is sometimes really true. Sometimes your inbox won't show a new message unless you deliberately go into it.

7. He doesn't want to seem intrusive.

Same as you. You both have something to do besides correspondence.

8. He thinks you're clingy.

How many messages in a row have you already sent him? Do you ever have breaks in correspondence? Maybe you're too intrusive, or maybe not, but it's okay to take a break from online communication sometimes. If you constantly duplicate your messages, if he doesn't respond within 5 minutes, just wait. He will contact you when he is ready.

9. He really ignores you.

Sorry, but sometimes this is true - he ignores your messages on purpose. If this happens often, he just doesn't like you enough. And you shouldn’t waste your time and nerves on him.

He's online, but he's not responding to your message - and here's why

Why is it worth working on?

It is worth working through for a number of reasons - to find emotional balance, become a self-sufficient person, free yourself from negativity from the past, clear your perception, stop automatically reacting to everything and, in principle, stop fooling yourself with anything.

But there is another important reason why I recommend working through it, and which applies to your situation.

I speak from experience. I know, in the vast majority of cases, that if a person does not respond to my message, then the problem is with him, not with me.

Maybe he left and is now out of reach, maybe he changed his number, maybe he’s on silent, maybe he’s busy, and so on.

But what is definitely not the reason is that I am a clingy person who imposes.

Can you say the same about yourself?

Can you confidently say that your friend doesn’t answer because he’s busy, and not because you’re annoying him?

Or is this not the first time something has happened to you where you communicate, communicate, communicate... and then the person seems to disappear because you annoyed him? And you suspect that this is exactly the case, and you begin to reproach yourself for it, adding fire to your inner negativity?

So, if you work through all your internal limitations, you will automatically work through your stickiness, as well as your desire to know the reason. After all, at the heart of your stickiness and desire to know the reason are the same fears, complexes, unforgiven grievances and emotional traumas from the past. Work through all this and clinginess will be dropped. And if it suddenly happens that the person did not respond to your message, you will know that the point is not that you pushed him away with your obsession.

Engineering works

The first reason why users do not open messages in Contact is due to maintenance or updates on the site. At this moment, as a rule, not only your dialogues will fail, but also all other services.

In this situation, you should be patient and wait a while. After the prevention comes to an end, you will be able to read and send letters on the social network normally. Nothing depends on you here. True, this is not the only reason why your VKontakte messages do not open. What else could cause this behavior? Let's figure it out.